5 Things We Love To Hate About Brazilian Birthday Parties - And How To Get Over It

Brigadeiros: Late Night, Anyone?

1) The Time of The Party: 
You may as well just get used to the fact that ninety percent of the invitations you receive will be for parties that start when your kids are normally in the their pyjamas and end when you are normally in yours, and on a school night to boot.  No use tut-tut-tutting.  Brazilian kids go to bed late and there isn't any amount of head shaking and finger wagging that is going to change that.  I get over it by simply not going to those parties.  Believe me, going to a mere one in ten of them is more than an adult can handle without medication anyway. 

2) The Sweeties:

As if trays of Briga-deiros, and the promise of cake aren't enough, a table full of sweets is in order.   I take one look and hear that scary horror music from Psycho.  It's a  multi-coloured minefield of hysteria-inducing, teeth-rotting, choking hazards.  The truth is that Brazilian sweets haven't undergone the same do-goody makeover as in the UK, with their enlightened natural colours and flavours.  Here it's old school, like when we were four, but probably worse.  Get over it by feeding your kids a truly self-righteously healthy meal before you arrive. Something with quinoa and spinach and salmon will do. Then, when they do go to the table, steer them towards a really big, hard lollipop that will keep them licking for the rest of the party while other kids scoff the rest.  When you get home, scrub those milk teeth like Tinkerbell's life depended on it.

3) Health and Safety

This one's for Mr Becoming, who spent most of a party this weekend doing a safety assessment of the "Biggie Play" (those multi-tiered play areas invented by Ronald MacDonald) and the climbing wall (no helmets and lackadaisical monitoring).  He was worried about falls and accidents.  My concern didn't amount to more than a passing curiosity about how often the ball-pit balls were cleaned.  I got over it by looking the other way and thinking pretty thoughts.  There's nothing so bad in life that can't be made better by alcohol hand gel and a positive outlook.

4) Inappropriate Games

Killing Machines By Day.  Bed Wetters By Night.

These party venues cater for a wide age range so it is inevitable that there are some things that are not for the smaller children.  It is also inevitable that the father of the small child will allow said child to participate in these activities even though they know it will make the mother of said child apoplectic.   Take, for example, the shooting of zombies in a violent and graphic video game.  I'm still getting over this one actually and would just bury the memory if it weren't for the fact it was, in Little Bear's opinion, the best bit of the whole party and he won't stop talking about it.  If total denial doesn't do the trick, the advice would be not to take Dads to birthday parties in the first place.

5) The Birthday Cake Ritual
The cake at a Brazilian Birthday Party is presented on a long table decorated with figurines that reflect the party's theme, in front of a decorated thematic banner.  The theme is usually a Disney Princess or a Super Hero.  These tables are an all-singing, all-dancing symbol of so much that is wrong with today's society; bad role models, commercialisation, yawn, yawn.  Get over it by only going to Hello Kitty themed parties because it is impossible to feel angry at Hello Kitty.  She's just too blooming cute.